Embracing the relapse

 

Last Saturday I attended a wedding with my parents for a family friend. It was so beautiful and I'm so happy we got to go. We stayed for about two and a half hours and as much fun as I had it left me exhausted. More exhausted than I thought I would be.   
   Just eight years ago a four hour trip to Disneyland would barely touch me. I'd go on a few rides, have a bite to eat, come home, take a nap and be ready for school the next day. These days even going to see a movie has to be saved for the summer when school doesn't consume my energy for the week.     

What is a relapse?

     When you hear the word relapse you'll probably think of a recovering addict. But for me it means that I have spent the finite amount of energy my body makes. It means that for the next few days all priorities, like bathing and brushing my teeth, fly out the window and I must focus on regaining that precious energy by restraing from all activity. No working on the blog or painting my nails. Just complete and utter rest. 

What is it like?

It's a lot like having the worst flu of your life in that your whole body is trashed.  Some of the symptoms are also very similar too. The eye strain, the upset stomach, difficulty thinking and keeping up a conversation.Imagine trying to move with cinder blocks attached to your limbs. I also get heart palpitations, which can send me to ER if they're bad enough. 
        One reason why my disease is so misunderstood is because people usually only see me when I'm stimulated. They don't get to see the after affects. 
        Once I've spent my energy it takes some time for the adrenaline to wear off. I guess you could call it a grace period. Sometimes it can even last up to a day.  But as my disease has progressed over the years I've noticed that it happens earlier. 

Was it worth it?

          Before I spend my energy I always have to take a moment and ask myself Is it worth it? There have been times in my life (usually when I'm staring up at the ceiling of a hospital room) where I've looked back and wondered if my precious energy was worth spending. So, these days I take extra precaution. But you still have to live life.The question is are you willing to embrace it the relapse?
     
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